


Scars To My Beautiful

by Lili_Noir



Category: American Horror Story: Roanoke
Genre: AU, Eating Disorder, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22755334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lili_Noir/pseuds/Lili_Noir
Summary: This is an AU where Sophie meets Rory at a performing arts college.
Relationships: Sophie Green/Rory Monahan
Kudos: 3





	Scars To My Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic that I wrote for my creative English essay. It is also an edited extract from one of my other fics in my AHS crossover series. 
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING!* If you are not comfortable with self harm or eating disorders then I wouldn’t read this fic, because it’s very much centred around those things.

_Hi there, Sophie Green here. I have light brown hair, caramel eyes and I’m 19 years old._

_The first rule to know about me is never call me beautiful._

_My parents wanted a boy, they always did, so when they had me, I was a disappointment from the day I was born..._

***

“Look what I made Daddy!” A three year old Sophie emerged from the grounds of Green Manor, twirling round to show off the daisy crown she made.

“Yes, yes Sophie, very nice.” Her father Byron didn’t even look up from his work.

“Look Daddy, don’t you like it? I made you one just like it!” She stood on her tiptoes and tried to place it on his head, but he stood up swiftly, batting her small hands away.

“No Sophie, I don’t!” He yelled, going red in the face.

Sophie jumped back in fright. “What do you mean?” Her shaky voice asked.

“You were meant to be a boy!” He looked at her, deep rooted revulsion in his expression. “Who will carry on my family legacy now? A good strong man is needed to lead this firm, not a little girl who makes daisy chains!”

Sophie had heard enough. Turning on her heel, she fled from the scene.

***

_I wasn’t worthy enough to carry on the family business, that was a boy’s job, so when they had my brother Ryan, he went to all of the business meetings and was treated like royalty, while my job was to sit around and look pretty..._

“I don’t understand dad, why can’t I go with you?” Sophie, now eleven years old, pleaded with her father to let her go with him to one of his meetings.

“You’re not mature enough.” Her father stated curtly, tying his bow tie with practiced hands.

“But Ryan is eight and he’s allowed to go!” 

“No means no Sophie! Ryan is a young man, and this deal needs to be settled by men. Practice your ballet instead, a lot of practice is required if you have a chance at getting in to the Royal Academy of Arts.” Byron marched Sophie to her room, where her pink tutu was waiting on her bed.

Sophie sighed, as she slipped it on and dutifully danced her elegant routine.

After her normal three hour practice, Sophie was walking downstairs when she heard her mother screaming and crying. 

The only words that Sophie could decipher were ‘Ryan’, ‘accident’ and ‘dead’.

She felt numb, not quite processing what had happened. It was only as she walked back to her room and shut the door, did the full weight of the situation hit her, taking her breath and constricting her body.

***

_My parents didn’t even want to look at me for weeks, only speaking to me before my audition, and their only words of comfort and wisdom were “don’t mess this up._ __

_At the audition, I was paralysed. My muscle memory took control of my body, so I performed perfectly, but it was like someone had just taken my emotions and I was an empty shell of a person. I could feel my muscles moving, and my mouth smiling, but if you looked closer, the smile didn’t quite reach my eyes. The judges praised me on my performance, but then said that, although I had potential..._

“You just don’t have the body type that we’re looking for in our dancers, we’re sorry.”

Sophie’s emotions came back like being drenched with a torrent of ice cold water. She was drowning again, and she didn’t think that she could be rescued. Her world closed in on her entire body, slowly suffocating her.

She accepted her loss with a mature humility, when really, she was screaming inside.

Sophie told her parents over dinner, their yells echoed in her ears and her food turned sour in her mouth. She could feel the unnecessary calories trickling into her bloodstream and crawling under her skin, rapidly digesting her sanity.

After cleaning her plate and saying goodnight to her parents, Sophie collapsed on the floor of her sparkling en-suite, stuck two fingers down her throat, making her stomach heave and the bile burn a searing track up her oesophagus, coming to a dizzying climax that ended with her coq au vin painting the perfect porcelain.

***

_I knew that the judges weren’t trying to be intentionally malicious, and that I just wasn’t the person that they were looking for, but even so...I was my parents’ only child, and I needed to live up to their expectations, so if that meant being admitted to that arts academy, then that’s what I would do._ __

_But I never succeeded, so self harm became sort of a routine._

__

_After every meal, my food was hurled at the toilet bowl. After every failed audition the silver blade would drag across my skin, extracting the indigo pearls from within my veins, rapidly turning red from oxygen exposure._

_I soon became a shadow of my former self, a faded, broken ghost dressed as a perfect golden girl._

_I honestly don’t know how I would’ve survived without him, without Rory..._

***

Sophie sprinted from the audition room after another failed attempt at making her parents proud. She rolled her sleeve up, revealing the jagged cuts that had been the outlet of so much pain and anguish.

16 auditions, 16 failures, 16 scars.

The honey haired girl mentally prepared herself to make another cut, before she was approached by a young man.

He was around her age, maybe a couple of years older, sporting deep brown eyes and unruly red hair. “Are you okay?”

His tone was friendly and charismatic, peppered with concern. Sophie found herself drawn to his melted chocolate stare and warm, caring smile.

“Sorry, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Rory Monohan. I’m an acting student here, what’s your name?” He extended his hand to her in greeting.

Sophie took his hand, warm and soft, in her own. “Sophie Green. I’ve been trying to get into this school ever since I was eleven, and I’ve just failed, again.”

Liquid despair rolled down her cheeks as she sunk to a crouch against a wall. “But hey, what’s new? I’ve been a failure my entire life, so why should today be any different?” 

Rory crouched down next to her, and slipped a strong comforting arm around her thin, shaking shoulders. “Sophie, hey, it’s okay. I’m sure you’re not a failure, and even if you were, you’d be the most beautiful failure I’ve ever seen.”

***

_Okay, so maybe calling me beautiful was off limits to everyone, but Rory was a special exception._ __

_I told him about my self harm and my eating disorder, and he was nothing but sympathetic._

_He accompanied me on a walk up the high street, wandering through shops and food stalls._

_After we left a jewellery store, Rory handed me a box which contained a plain gold chain on a red velvet cushion._

_“It’s a charm bracelet, and every time you audition I’ll buy you a charm, so instead of making a new cut you’ll add a charm to this bracelet.” Rory took the bracelet out of the box and fastened the clasp around my wrist._

_I blushed a delicate scarlet and inspected the intricate, dainty chain._

_Every failure, reconciled with a golden charm._

_Slowly my cuts faded to faint pink lines as the number of charms on the bracelet increased. My wrist soon bore the happy marks of Rory’s love instead of the self inflicted pain that my childhood left on me._

_The comforting weight of the charm bracelet provided a much needed escape when my parents were cruel and cold. It was a mark of physical love, more profound than a kiss or a hickey._

_Maybe being called beautiful wasn’t so bad after all._


End file.
